One year later: Happy Angelversary Jayden!

I don't even know where to begin. My head is like a whirlwind of chaos and emotions.

The only thing I can really even think to say is you are taught that sex can lead to pregnancy. While the pregnancy may be a surprise to that person, they are just taught to expect the stress of a crying baby at 2 am. Not once in my life was I taught that I could get pregnant, get to 29 weeks and lose my baby. Seriously... why isn't that part of sex ed in school.

It's been one year. One year since I said goodbye forever to my son. One year since I kissed him and hugged him and watched them wheel him away. Its been one year since my heart was whole. Its been one year since I was the person I use to be. Its been one year since I was optimistic. Its been a whole year of my pregnancy playing through my head, like a movie, everyday I see the highlights then the end. Its be a year of trying to be okay. Its been a year of learning how to survive the worst heartbreak I've ever felt. Its be a year.

I could honestly probably fill a page with different things that this one year has marked but I know I really shouldn't do that. I can remember that day perfectly though, and honestly I hope I always do. By this time I was actually home from the hospital and Sky's parents had come down to spend the night with us. It was about this time that they actually got here I'm pretty sure.

I had so much to say for this and now I can't even think. I don't know what to think really. The heartache, the pain, still lingers a year on. Its like the whole world kept turning, kept moving on, but I'm stuck. Its easier now to fake a smile and to talk to people about Jayden, to bring up his name. But no one sees the tears when I'm alone. People forget, people move on. I'm glad people move on though, but its hard living alone in your heartache.

The part I struggle with most is I know Jayden would want me to be happy. Thats the thing that Sky, who unfortunate for him gets to see the tears and experience me thrashing out in result of my heartache, always says. Honestly its the truth and what motivates me, but it does suck. I've learned to to think of Jayden, talk of him and look at his picture everyday, bottling up the tears and heartache until I break. Its about every few weeks that I really break down and those are the hardest moments.

None of this is coming out how I imagined it would in my head. I just can't even think what the right thing to say is. I miss him. I miss him everyday. The heartache is easier to deal with, and honestly being pregnant with the hopes of having Hudson is probably the most encouraging thing.

I didn't know what to do as the days led up to yesterday and today. I kept staring at the clock picturing what moment of the process I was in at this time last year. Yesterday between 11-12 I heard those words. By 1 I was in the hospital, a few hours later they induced me, and by 12:02 am today I had him. I got to see him and all of his precious perfection. Most people on Facebook light candles, release balloons and things like that but I couldn't do any of those things. It didn't feel right and it would have been something I had to do alone which makes it feel even more not right. The only thing I could think to do was get out a pen and work on the doodle I had started last year after I lost him. So that's what I've been doing. If I finish it today I'll edit this and attach it but I doubt I finish, I still have a ways to go.

The awkward part of this day though is other people. I wanted to say something on Facebook to remember Jayden and celebrate his short life, but now I feel weird reacting back to people. I know they don't know what to say to me or what to do and I have no idea how to react back. Emotionally though the only thing I needed was acknowledgement of the day from Sky. He was the only other person in my life who got to hold Jayden and see Jayden, which makes him my rock during this time. While he has completely different opinions about these last two days, I'm very grateful that he brought me home red roses this morning.  I also had a friend give me a flower and card which made me feel very special as well.

Anyways I shall end this depressing ramble. One year later, I miss you more than anything in the world Jayden. There isn't a single moment you don't enter my mind. I hope know you are happy up there in Heaven.  I love you more than anyone could understand and I can't wait until I get to see you again <3

From my best friend (:

From Sky <3

31 Weeks Pregnant after Stillbirth

31 WEEKS!!!!!!!! I can't believe it.... I'm 31 weeks pregnant. I have 9 weeks left max till I really get to see little Hudson's eyes and hear him cry. 9 weeks sounds forever away but at the same time it sounds so close. I've never been this pregnant before so it feels like such an accomplishment. I suppose every week is going to feel like an accomplishment from here on out. Well really since last week and out. 

He's got the hiccups as I type this :)

I had an appointment on Wednesday, so I was 30 1/2 weeks then. Everything went really good... I had so much anxiety going into it though. It was the first appointment in a while that Sky had been able to go to which made me so happy but also scared me. With Jayden he hadn't been able to go to many appointments and at my 29 week appointment we surprised me by going (thank God!) and that's when we were told he didn't have a heartbeat. So going into this appointment with him randomly being able to go, similar timing to when we lost Jayden, same room.... it was all a lot. I knew Hudson was okay as I had listened to his heartbeat that morning with my doppler and felt him moving as we waited for the doctor but oh man. Nothing could prevent the anxiety though. 

There is seriously NO better feeling than seeing your baby's heartbeat on an ultrasound. Its the thing my eyes first search for and the second I see that heartbeat I feel okay for at least the time of the ultrasound. I'm sure I've said this before but its such a monumental moment every ultrasound. 

I had just had an ultrasound two weeks prior so they didn't really check much, just to see his heart and take quick measurements. We immediately saw him breathing which was so cool. I suppose he's not really breathing but he's practicing. The doctor was very excited about this and said its such a good sign. He also said that that's why he gets the hiccups all the time. He's practicing breathing. So cool. I hope this means he's gonna have good lungs cause I have asthma and so does his daddy. 

I also quickly learned that appointment that I cannot lay on my back for more than about a minute. A week and 1/2 ago (I think...) I went to the dentist and they had to stop 3 times because I also passed out. Then this appointment, a minute into it, I got the feeling again. Luckily its a normal thing and so the doctor had a pillow there so I could lay on my side during the ultrasound. Its weird though, not being able to lay on your back. I don't lay on it at home for more than 30 seconds ever so I just hadn't realized it was that intense of a reaction if I did.

My little boy is measuring 4 lbs! He's huge. Well not really, that puts him in the 75th percentile but 4 lbs seems big. I can't imagine him being that big in there. It makes me happy though because if something were to happen and I had to deliver now, at least he is at a good weight (: 

The little booger was also still breech with his hands covering his face. I hope he turns soon. I mean they can turn even the day of delivery and labor but still. I want him to turn by 34 weeks so we can hopefully get a good face shot that doesn't have my belly button shadowing him haha 

We only got one picture and its not very good but I'll insert it anyways (:

You can see his nose and closed eye. 

My gigantic tummy (:

Ipsy March

This is a little late but I really wanted to review the Ipsy I got in March because I LOVED it! There occasions that I get bags from them and I'm like ehhh whatever, but this one I really enjoyed. If you don't know what Ipsy is, its basically a bag that you pay $10 for each month and they fill it with 5 different beauty items. When you sign up you do a questionnaire that learns about what you like and what you look like so they can mail products applicable to you. When I first signed up I questioned if $10 was really worth it but after receiving it for several months, I see that it totally is worth it, especially if you wanna try expensive or different products without spending a ton of money. 

When you first get the package it comes in this cute metallic pink package

Then inside the pink package is a little makeup bag. I love these and you get a different one each month. They are perfect for travel, organizing and honestly for gifts. I haven't received a single bag I didn't like either; they are always cute!


These are the five products I received.

Healthy Sexy Hair Soy Renewal Creme Oil - A full bottle of this runs about $23. I honestly am not sure if I can tell a difference when I use it or not. I've only been using it for about 3 days though. I really like the leave in conditioner of this kind though.

Marsk Mineral Eyeshadow (Lucky Penny)- This sells for about $7 I believe. This color is coppery which is perfect for blue eyes. It is also extremely pigmented which makes it a great value.

Eyeshadow, Highlighter, Lipstick 

Chella Ivory Lace Highlighter - This retails for  $18. Its a really good color for under the brow highlighting. I also use it on occasion on the inner tear duct area of my eye. I would have never thought to buy this but I really enjoy it. I don't find it a makeup necessity though.

Dr. Brandt Skincare pores no more anti-aging mattifying lotion - A full bottle of this is $60.... Which makes me hope I don't love it cause I will most likely never purchase it at that price. I haven't had the chance to try it though. I'm avoiding trying new skincare products while pregnant. If it works like the name of it says I'm sure I will love it.

Nyx Butter Lipstick (Little Susie BLS12) - I was so excited about this item and I still am. It retails for $5.99 but is often on sale at Ulta for buy one get one half off. I love Nyx lip products and I LOVE this lipstick. I'm not much of a lipstick person but this stuff is amazing. Its not too glossy but has a little shine on it. The color does not show up as pigmented on my lips as it does on my hand and its actually the perfect everyday color for my skin tone.  The "butter" part of this is amazing. I love the butter lip products because you still feel like you're wearing chapstick when you wear it.

Overall I love Ipsy. Its like getting a $10 box of presents every month (: 

28 Weeks Pregnant After Stillbirth

Holy moly!! These last few weeks have been so busy. Good busy though (: We went to Denver for part of Spring Break and then the following week my dad visited. The distractions of being busy helped a lot. Last week was about the time that Jayden's heart most likely stopped beating and next week will be when I delivered him (week wise for pregnancy count, not by date). The last thing I needed was to sit around and worry and so the traveling and visitors really helped me not do that. With that said though, I still spend every minute worrying... especially as I'm getting to the point that I wanna buy things and set up a nursery.

Yesterday I was 28 weeks and 3 days and had my appointment in Billings with the high risk doctor. I'll give a summary of that in a minute but it was a good appointment. Everything looked perfect so that's good. What sucks though is I only have satisfaction that everything looks good while I'm there. By the time I was driving home, I was analyzing his every movement again. I suppose my heart won't be at ease until I have him crying in my arms looking at me. Just 11 1/2 more weeks though I can have that (I hope...).

Now appointment summary!! The appointment was very simple, just a growth scan so they did a bunch of measurements... not as many as they had before though. I think was just really just to get a brain, skull, heart and overall growth check. They looked at his organs but didn't really measure them like that had before. He's measuring to be about 2 lbs and 13 ounces!! I can't believe that. I have an almost 3 lb baby in me! Its hard to believe, although my tummy does feel huge. The doctor was also impressed with my weight gain. I think I've gained about 23 lbs which is awesome! I'm so relieved. Its hard work though. I eat NON stop. Just this morning I was explaining the fact that there must be a second breakfast to Sky. I get too hungry between breakfast and lunch so I have to cook brunch. I never thought I'd see the day that I out ate him.

Hudson... Jay. His middle name is Jay we decided by the way (: I think its the perfect fit this time. Sky's middle name is J. and it gives Hudson a little bit of Jayden as well. The link between them is important and that way Hudson always has some of Jayden with him. Just typing that makes me cry. Oh man.

Hudson was being Mr. Flexible during the appointment. The best way to describe how he was laying, was he was doing toe touches... but to only one foot. The other leg was to the side someplace. This means it was so hard to get a face picture again! He had two arms and a leg covering his face. What a goober. It was fun seeing him chubbier though and his limbs look so muscular. He definitely has his dad's legs (which is a good thing cause my legs are just too skinny that buying jeans is frustrating).  I could also see his hair, which honestly I never would have known is hair, saw him blink, suck on his arm, grab his toes and move his mouth and tongue! This was all so cool. Seeing him blink was just magical for me. I never got to see Jayden do these things on his ultrasound because I only had the 20 week one and they can't open their eyes that early. Anyways I have all this on dvd which is even cooler! Here is the link to it (: I labeled everything the best I could, but they probably only show up on computers :/ Hudson's 28 Week Ultrasound (click this for video)

I also asked about him having the hiccups because he has them ALL the time. Not really ALL the time but like once a day. The doctor said they are a very good sign and mean he's healthy and getting enough oxygen. (:

Lastly here are pictures! The high risk doctor isn't into printing a lot of pictures but I got a couple of squished face ones.

Ulta Haul With Reviews

I recently ordered some makeup from Ulta and got some incredible deals so I wanted to share them with you! I ended up getting a LOT for free because I carefully timed my purchase. I did a previous post about why I love Ulta because you can get so much for free and here's an example of a time I utilized that.

The way I got all this free was promotions. They had a deal spend $125 and get the gold bag of items free and spend $20 on Ulta and get the pink bag of items free. Now, I don't normally spend $125 on makeup ever. I'm not made of money and so this was a serious splurge but my boyfriend needed a new shaver so that helped me get there and I stocked up on items.

In my order that I paid for I got: 

(3) L'Oreal Voluminous Butterfly Waterproof Mascara - This was a deal buy two get one free. Since this is my favorite mascara I figured I might as well get 3 and stock up! I have a previous post on why I love this mascara.
(2) Maybelline Instant Age Reward Dark Circle Eraser - I haven't ever written about this product but it is my FAVORITE concealer. It works miracles and I suggest it to everyone I know who needs a concealer. I don't use it just for under my eyes, on lazy days, I use it as my concealer on all my sports plus under my eyes.
Maybelline Face Studio Mast Prime Blur+Redness Control Primer - I was most excited to try this product and I like it. I don't love it, I feel like the green in it doesn't work that effectively but the primer is really good at keeping your makeup on. Maybelline products were also buy two get one free so I did two Dark Circle Conealers and the primer.
Nyx Hi Definition Photo Concealer Wand - This was something I decided to try because a YouTuber I like always talks about it and its $5. So far my impression of it isn't that great. It works just as good as any other concealer. I like the previous concealer more.
(2) Ulta Super blender sponges - I LOVE this. I hadn't ever used a beauty blender before but I absolutely love the coverage it gives and the finish it

Left - Primer, Right - Blush 

creates.
Ulta Pressed Mineral Blush in Freesia - This blush is beautiful. Its light which works good for my pale skin and I think it really could be used all year due to soft color. I also like how soft it is because it makes it very build able. I did do a swatch. I did it on my arm cause I decided my hands weren't photogenic.
Urban Decay Sin Eyeshadow Primer Potion - This was a splurge for me, this item isn't cheap but it lasts a long time. It has a gorgeous champagne shimmer to it which I really like using under the Urban Decay Naked Basics palette. This product will keep your eyeshadow on for at least 24 hours. It works AMAZINGLY.
Lithium Ion Men's Grooming Electric Hair Remover - I don't use this so I have nothing to say but it was a hefty part of the purchase. I think my boyfriend likes it. A shaver is just kinda a shaver to him...

Nature box - March

I received one of these yummy boxes the other day. If you haven't heard of Nature-box here's the basic information about it: You choose 5 snacks or let them pick them for you. These snacks are healthier items without all the additives that a lot of the store items have. Its considered more healthy snacking. Then for $20 a month they mail you these 5 snacks. You can subscribe or choose when you want to do it. They even let you mark off allergies or food restrictions so they don't mail you food with those in them.

This is the second box I've received and I really like it.

Lemon Tea Biscuits - These taste exactly how they sound. They were delicious if you like tea biscuits. I would say because they are a tea biscuit they aren't so sweet that you eat a ton of them at once so they are great if you want a snack that is just a few bites. 

Carrot Strawberry Fruit Chews - I love these. My boyfriend really liked them too until he read that there was carrots in them. I really like these compared to the commercial sugar packed fruit snacks from the store because I can read the ingredients and know what everything is plus they have a little veggie in them too (:

Chocolate Hazelnut Granola - I love granola, especially homemade tasting granola and that's what this tastes like. I like high calorie snacks due to the fact I need to gain weight and so granola is a great option for me. This was a bit more chocolatey tasting than I expected but I really like it. 

Dried California Peaches - I'm not a big fan of dried fruit but I thought I'd give these a try. They're okay. I probably won't get them again, but if you love dried fruit, I'm sure you'd love them. 

Big Island Pineapple - Again with the dried fruit, but I've heard a lot of people on YouTube say they love these so I thought I'd try them. Its good but not extraordinary. I'm sure if you love dried fruit you would love them. I really like freeze dried fruit so hopefully one day they come out with some of those (:

At $4 a snack I would say these are perfectly comparable to the price of the store and honestly I have a hard time picking little snacks at the store. Its a lot easier to have them mailed to me and a list just in front of me online to pick from.

What's His Name?!?

We finally chose a name!!! Hudson (: There's no special reason why, we just like the name.

I think mentally this is going to help me a lot. My counselor always talks about the importance of mentally separating my two pregnancies to help with anxiety and worry. I think having a distinct name to call him will help with this. Plus I just really wanted to have a name for him as soon as possible!

Well that is just a short update. Time to spend my Saturday cleaning and doing homework. I recently ordered some new makeup so soon I'll have a post about that!

Now time to start thinking of a middle name....

24 Weeks Pregnant After Stillbirth

Oh man oh man. Everything has been crazy busy lately!! As midterms approach next week, everything is just getting to be too much. My business classes suck. They wouldn't be too bad but the homework is all so silly and time consuming. If it was just math, I would rock it and love it, but its more of answer 300 questions about nothing.

Anyways aside from school kicking my butt everything is good! Baby is perfectly growing and perfectly kicking like a ninja! There have been quite a few funny kicks by him that just make me sit there and laugh. I guess, after losing a baby, the kicks mean SOO much more to me. Every little kick just... just makes everything feel okay for a second.

Friday I did notice my blood pressure going up a little. Normally its about 87-99/55-65. All day Friday and Saturday it was 108/70, and being overly cautious me I decided to go in and just have them check everything out. Better safe than sorry (: They did a simple NST (non stress test) which was just putting the contraction paddle on my upper belly and the heart rate paddle on my lower tummy. They also did a urine test and checked my blood pressure for about an hour. Everything was perfect. No contractions which is good of course and baby's heart rate was good. There is no better sound and nothing more relaxing than listening to your baby's heartbeat for an hour straight. It made me feel so much better and even dropped my blood pressure back to normal. I think I was just getting anxious and that was raising it. Its kinda sucky that the simplest things can raise it.

Yesterday, so Wednesday, I had a growth scan and my glucose test. First I'll say the glucose test was fine but oh man did it make me feel sick. The drink isn't bad at all, like flat 7-UP but it make my tummy and head hurt. I suppose it probably does almost anyone cause it is so sugar filled.

Baby looked so perfect during the scan. Kicking and acting all silly in there (: I was really anxious going in there though. I had felt him kick and checked about two hours prior with my doppler so I knew he was okay but I hadn't been in that room since I  heard those awful words about Jayden. It did help that they had pumped me full of sugar so all my anxiety projected into excited energy.

Face with umbilical cord on it

The scan was a pretty normal routine. She checked all his body parts, got measurements and then worked on getting a 4D picture of his face. He was hanging out with his hand on his face the whole time though so we had a hard time getting a good face picture. I'm guessing it was because the umbilical cord kept resting on his face so he'd swat it away and then put his hand back to his face to prevent it from hitting it again. What a tough life.... having umbilical cord hitting your face while you sleep :p




We also tried to get a good foot picture but he was pushing them against the side of my uterus so it was hard. He just wasn't cooperating :p Already stubborn like his parents (:  I didn't have a chance to add words to these pictures so hopefully you can tell what they are. This one was so funny because kept trying to grab his foot. In this picture you can see the bottom half of the legs and then one of his feet. You can really just see the inside side of his foot and his big toe (right side of the picture) then on the left is his hand with his index finger pointing out. And below I'm going to put two other face pictures with his hand. Its crazy how you can see all the parts of his hand.

I don't have a picture of it, but she also pointed out the fact that his hair is growing in some and he has eyelashes! I could see the hair on her screen but not the eyelashes.

Oh yeah! He weighs 1 lb 10 ounces. This puts him at the 50 percent-tile which means his weight is completely average. Fluid levels measured right too. Everything is good (: My next appointment and growth scan is at the end of the month. I'm sure I'll get anxious and have them probably just check his heartbeat and my urine before than though. Love my little guy so much already (:

You can see his eyes, part of his nose and mouth here.
Plus that little hand (:

He's almost sucking his thumb! Not quite though. 

  

How To Survive Morning Sickness

There is no sickness like morning sickness. Oh man. I had it hard core until about 13 weeks. It was so bad that I couldn't even step foot in the kitchen because the smell of food made me throw up. I unfortunately had to take medicine for it but I do have tips to help it (:

1. Candles/Scentsy - Burn a smell that is cinnamon. I think I did cozy fireside Scentsy. I didn't figure this out till the end of the 13 weeks but it really helped a lot. I first noticed it when we were walking around Walmart and they had all the Christmas stuff out and there were those cinnamon scented pinecones. I smelt them and felt SOOO much better. Plus if you put this in the kitchen, then it replaces all those food smells (except for in the fridge... avoid having smelly food in there). 

2. Paper dishes - these as I mentioned in a pervious post are essential. I couldn't wash dishes without puking because of the smell of them.

3. Hydration - hydration is very important, especially as you're throwing up a lot. I got so dehydrated that I had to go in for fluids and that just wasn't fun. The best way to stay hydrated is to get a water bottle with a straw. This was a tip from my sister. I recently got this great one that even keeps track as you drink. It is called a HydraCoach. It even lets you set a goal and tells you how close to your goal you are. Click the name to find a link to it. Its seriously the best water bottle ever. The straw helps you mindless sip at it as well and that gets your more fluids! 

4. Bland food - I survived on cinnamon toast, LIFE cereal and granola bars. Then I started getting cravings for chips and hash browns and then I only ate these for two weeks. Probably not the most nutritious but when you are throwing up four times a day, any food in your system seems good enough. Also keep some of this bland food by the bed. It helps to eat some before you get out of bed. 

5. This is a tip for your significant other - cook her food that is bland. She is puking, tired, nauseous and probably weak at this point. Nothing is more helpful than cooking her food. Eating is a chore when you feel that sick and cooking just makes it worse. 

6. Unisom +B6 - If you are so bad that you need to take medicine, then I recommend this (by doctor approval first of course). My doctor recommended this and said its class A. It helped so much! I took it at night and woke up a lot less nauseous! 

7. Ginger and Lemon - tea or water. These two things help a lot! I was drinking a glass of ginger tea almost daily and added lemon to my water. 

8. Preggie pops - or drops. These help so much. I had to suck on them during class (especially when the girl in my class had to eat smelly soup every class period)  and they really helped. They really just take the edge off. If you live in the city you can usually find them at the store but if you're like me an live in Wyoming, rural... Amazon it is! 

9. Sea bands - These bracelets look like skinny sweat bands and they have knobs that push on a pressure point in your wrist which helps with nausea. I can't say if I noticed an immediate change from them but I think they helped some. I wore them everyday until I noticed the nausea clearing up. I do know some people see an amazing change with these. I think it depends on who you are.  

Welp, these are all the hints I can think of. If you have any leave them in the comments (: 


*disclaimer: Links are amazon affiliated

23 Weeks Pregnant After Stillbirth Update

Holy Cow! I can’t believe its been 2 weeks already! I am thankful that its going fast though… but holy moly, the last two weeks were busy and stressful. I got a lot done though that I needed to so stress should be going down. It did freak me out thought when I realized baby boy does kick less when I’m super stressed so I’m really trying to keep an eye on this and calm down. 

Two Wednesdays ago I started going to child birthing classes. I LOVE them! There are only 4-5 of us in the group so its easy to really talk and get the information. I thought they were going to be those classes where you lay on the floor and people tell you to breathe... not at all. She said this week we'll go over birthing positions but not like that. 

I think these classes are so enjoyable for me as well because the instructor lost a baby as well. Which is so terribly sad but she's the first person I've talked to in person that actually has gone through it. At the end she also teaches us hypnobirthing techniques and these are super nifty for me. When I get anxiety/panic attacks or super emotional, I do these techniques and they help a lot. My sister always suggested these but they're a lot easier to do when there is an instructor. 

I also think I find these classes really rewarding because I never did them last time. I didn't get the chance. People, and my counselor, always say I need to think of this pregnancy as a completely different event than last pregnancy. That last pregnancy doesn't completely influence the results of this one. While it makes sense, its hard to truly acknowledge that and feel it when you're in my shoes. Going to these classes are helping I think. Its kinda like the more things I do different, the more different I allow it to feel. 

Here are a few of my favorite pictures and videos from the last two weeks. I would take an accurate bump picture today… but I didn’t really feel like getting ready so the bump picture is from Valentine's Day.  The hand picture was just the daddy and I feeling him kick (: 

                             

Here is a video of baby kicking the calculator. He was doing it a whole bunch but I recorded at the end so the kicks were a little softer. 

21 Weeks Pregnant After Stillbirth

What an exciting week we had (: We found out we are expecting another precious boy!! I was so shocked... I was sure it was a girl. AND we are now past the the half way mark. That's even more exciting to me :P I just want to be at 40 weeks already.

Aside from the anatomy scan last week there isn't much to update about being 21 weeks. I'm honestly finding it harder and harder to keep sane. I feel like I'm starting to panic about everything! According to the books baby is awake for about 6 hours a day and I can only probably feel movement for half that time... so I have about 21 hours of AHHHHHH. Okay, not really that much because I'm asleep for a lot of it, but I defiantly have started mentally panicking after an hour of no movement. I feel totally irrational though because I know that even at 21 weeks I'm lucky I can feel baby move as much as I do.

The kicking I love though. I get so excited with every kick and they are starting to get stronger. They even startle me sometimes (: Its fun too cause daddy can even feel him kick way more. I'm sure he's getting bored of me grabbing his hand and putting it on my tummy but its just so exciting!

The other thing that has began developing more is my hunger! I'm a never ending pit of hunger. I never experienced this last pregnancy. I feel like everything I eat just makes me more hungry. I'm very happy for this though because it means weight gain and I want to gain as much as I can (well within reason). My favorite thing to eat is avocados. He's gonna come out green like an alien with the amount of avocados I eat :p

Well this isn't a very exciting post but there just isn't much different this week. I have another scan on Wednesday I think, so more pictures to come later (:

Love Always! Taylor and unnamed baby boy!

20 Week Scan - What's the gender?!

We are home!!!!! First things first - baby is perfect (: Has two arms, two legs, two kidneys, two eyeballs, two BIG feet, two hands and one little willy :p (Read to the bottom for an appointment overview and what all they said)

I was so surprised when the ultrasound tech showed us it's a boy. I was positive it was a girl! Daddy is super excited! I'm excited as well but I was super excited either way! 

At the beginning of the scan baby was all curled up! I wish I was that flexible! It kept curling up like this a lot but luckily he likes to move A LOT and we were able to get the pictures of what we needed.

There are some face ones. The first one is scary! You can see the lens in the eyeball. The angle made it so we could only see half the face this way but it has two eyeballs (:

Here are the arms, legs, feet and hands 

Overall the appointment went great! Everything looks how its suppose to look at this point (: This was at the high risk doctor so they were VERY thorough. Baby weighs 13 ounces. Unfortunately they couldn't get an accurate height because baby was so curled up, making it hard to measure the spine. But everything seemed to measure right so I'm sure its 10-12 inches long or so.

Pre-e wise they asked to make sure I'm still taking the baby aspirin everyday. They stressed the importance of this. I'm happy to say I haven't missed a single day since they started telling me to take it. They also suggested a calcium supplement twice a day. She thinks this might help with placenta health as well. These are really the only two preventative care things I can really do.

They are going to have my normal ob do a scan every 4 weeks and I will return to Billings in 8 weeks for a scan. They also did a blood draw to test for down syndrome and those things (I didn't care to have this done but....) they said this test also checks 2 indicators of placenta health so she strongly suggested I do it. It was an easy blood draw and only one vial luckily.

It was a really good experience! I really really like the Maternal medicine in Billings at St. Vincent hospital.

Hopefully soon I'll have a copy of the ultrasound up! If I do, I'll link it here!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avHqPPKfoyc

Oh and we don't have a name yet! Names are hard.... :/

Two pictures I screen shotted from the video. They are of the nose and mouth. One mouth is open and one its closed (:

L'Oreal Paris Voluminous Butterfly Mascara Waterproof Review

Like most girls if you ask me about my most important/favorite makeup item I would instantly say mascara. I could live without the rest (although I would never want to) but I need mascara. Something about it just makes me instantly feel girly and prettier. Plus it draws attention to our eyes and that's where we really want people to look I suppose. 

For months now I've been using L'Oreal Paris Voluminous Butterfly Mascara Waterproof in Black and I absolutely love it!!!! I receive compliments on my eyelashes quite often and I don't do anything special besides use this mascara. I love it new and with age (I prefer all my mascara a little aged though). 

The formula is perfect for all day wear! I often get watery eyes and the waterproof lasts amazingly and I find that I don't get the black smudge under my eyes throughout the day! I also find that with a lot of mascaras throughout the day I have black dust that blinks off below my eyes and that does not occur at all! 




The brush on this mascara has an awesome short to long bristle length. I really like this because it naturally helps my outside lashes be longer than the inside ones. I also like the brush because the bottom of it is all short, which works perfect for bottom lashes!

Cravings

One of the questions I get most from friends and family since being pregnant is if I'm craving anything. If it's a friend, especially one who hasn't been pregnant before they always ask if I'm craving pickles. Thanks to the movies and TV going into my first pregnancy I even thought I would be craving pickles! I don't think once between either pregnancies have I truly craved a pickle! 

Last pregnancy I actually craved things I normally craved like lemonade and artichokes. This pregnancy though, I'm craving foods I normally don't even like. These are: avocados, bacon, and brats. When I'm nauseous I crave banana peppers and lastly I crave hot sauce (but this is again a normal craving for me).

I started off with terrible morning sickness though and the only thing I think I ate for a week was hash browns and salt and vinegar potato chips. I ate an entire bag in a day. I would definitely say potatoes were a craving for me then and I still do crave them every once in a while but not as hard core as I did then. According to netmums.com  a potato craving is rather popular during pregnancy and might be due to the drop in blood sugar causing a craving in carbs. I would say the only other thing this craving possibly pointed to was that its a boy (which I don't think it is but check out my last post about gender predictors).

I think avocados fit in with Mexican food and in general I have craved it as well. This makes me think girl because my mom craved Mexican food with me (:

Otherwise I have no idea if my cravings can mean anything other than lack of a nutrient... although I don't know what nutrient I would need from a pig (I hate the taste of pork!!) Baby sure loves it though because it sure kicks a lot after I eat brats.

Cravings are such a weird thing and they are weird when you're pregnant. There have been so many nights I just lay there and am just like ahhhhh I'm never gonna sleep unless I eat _____. I didn't have that feeling much last pregnancy so this time it really took me by surprise.

<3

Tips for attending school while pregnant

Going to school while pregnant can be a lot harder than people think it is. Between the tiredness, baby/pregnant brain and morning sickness going to school can be a challenge. I have never felt exhausted like I do while pregnant, especially during that first trimester. Not only does the exhaustion make it hard to do get school done but then you have a whole house to take care of as well. Im extremely lucky and not required to work right now either, but oh man add having a job into the equation and you have (work + school + house)(pregnancy) = sleeping every second you can. Not only does that all come into play but then morning sickness hits. Now you are tired and want to vomit at the site or smell of food. Here are things I figured out that help:

1. Invest in paper plates and cups. Dishes are the last thing you want to do during early pregnancy. Now that I'm further along I don't mind doing them but when I am tired I still get them out and have my boyfriend and I eat on them.

2. When you have the energy work ahead!!! This sucks cause when you have the energy you wanna do funner things but it is a serious lifesaver to have things done ahead of time especially when you are going to be tired and nauseous. Plus the further along you get, the more you'll want to start googling baby stuff and making wish lists/registeries.

3. Tell your teachers. I'm in a bunch of science classes which means dead animals and chemicals. It's very important to tell these teachers because some of this can be harmful!

4. People are stupid. That's kinda mean but I found being 21 and now 22 and pregnant, people still look at me and treat me as if I was in high school and got pregnant. The people that give you looks or decided to make your pregnancy the topic of their conversation are dumb and its a waste of your energy to care. They'll understand one day and feel dumb for acting how they did.

5. Make sure to bring food and water with you everyday. I always get hungry during class (probably from being bored haha) and if you're anything like me, barely hungry turns to starving in about three minutes.

6. Always carry your nausea aids with you as well. I'll be listing mine in a post soon about morning sickness but this was very vital for me. This girl in my class would eat soup and oh gosh it made me nauseous from the smell.

7. Lastly choose a seat by the door. Your need to pee is going to go up a lot and it's less weird feeling getting up to go if you're already by the door. 

Oh lied there's an 8. Invest in a good backpack!! My sister gave me hers (which I think was expensive) and I love it!! Your back is already going to start hurting naturally from baby growing so get a good backpack so you aren't adding to the pain. Along with this, its a good idea to get a good pair of tennis shoes as well. They REALLY help with back pain as well. 

These are all the tips I can think of at the moment. If you have any good tips leave them in the comments (:

<3 

Am I having a boy or girl?!

I have no idea yet. 

On Feb 3 I have the official ultrasound to tell me! I can't wait and can't stop thinking about it so I thought it'd be fun to see what the various gender predictors and wives' tales say.

First of all I figure I should state my gut feeling: GIRL! My gut screams girl. I'm not really sure what makes me think that or feel that but I really think its a girl. 

Here are the results of the various other ones I've looked at. You can click the title of each one to see where I found the predictor. They are kind of long but there were some silly ones. 

Chinese Gender Prediction: boy!
         This test basically just uses your due date with your birthday and applies them to the Chinese lunar calendar. I didn't use it last time so I'm not sure if it was right or wrong, but I feel like it might have some truth to it just because people tell me that Chinese women are really good at predicting gender!

Parents.com Quiz: boy!
         This test asks 10 various questions, which mostly seemed based on old wives' tales. It did require you to have a login for this quiz which was kind of lame but its a very easy site to sign up for. 

10 Old Wives' Tales: (its actually more than 10): This one tied 50/50. 
       1. Are you carrying high or low? High - girl!
       2. Are you carrying in front or expanding horizontally? Front - boy!
       3. Are you developing skin problems? Yes. holy moly my poor face :( - girl!
       4. Are your hands dry and feet cold? Yes but they always are - boy!
       5. Does your wedding ring swing in circle or back and forth? I didn't answer this one because I'm not married but if you're curious circle means boy.
       6. Does your pee change the color of drano? - Again not doing this one. Sounds dangerous... and I wanna know who the heck thought peeing in drano was a good idea and why it would predict gender...
       7. Is the heart rate above or below 140 bpm? Above which means but with my boy it was above.... - girl!
       8. Are you craving salt/sour or sweets? I would say both really but I think sour/salt is stronger - boy!
       9. The Mayans claim that if your age at conception and year the baby was conceived are both even or odd it means girl, if one is odd and the other even its a boy - for me this claims girl! I think, the conception time was rather close to my birthday so this one could really go either way (sorry for TMI).
       10. Has your significant other gained weight? No - boy!
       11. Did you have morning sickness? Oh gosh yes and it was miserable - girl!

More Wives' tales: girl! - This was just of the random ones I chose. 
         This website has 51 of them! Holy moly! I'm going to just pick a few of them that are for sure applicable. 
            Old Wives Tale #3:  Cravings Curse - hahaha this one is not a gender predictor but states that if someone denies a pregnant lady her cravings they will get a sty in their eye. Beware dads when you say no at 2 am!!
            Old Wives Tale #14:  Shape of Mom’s Face - This one seems a little silly as everyone gains weight differently but if you have a more round face during pregnancy it means girl and long means boy. I suppose due to my inability to gain weight we'll say mine is long so boy!
           Old Wives Tale #15:  Key Test: Depending on how you pick up a key, round = girl, if you do the long part = boy. The middle means twins. I think I typically do the round part so girl!.
          Old Wives Tale #22:  Skin under Left Eye - this one is weird and I'm only guessing on the results because it made no sense but if you pull down the bottom lid of your left eye and you see a "v" in the white part you are having a girl. No "v" means boy. I think this means girl! for me. 
          Old Wives Tale #27:  Legs - Again a weight related one. I'm not sure about this as I've barely gained any weight at almost 19 weeks but I feel like my legs seem bigger...? I'm sure my boyfriend would politely disagree (; Bigger means boy!
         Old Wives Tale #28:  Moodiness and a Little Pecker - I think my boyfriend would strongly agree (especially at the beginning) that I was moody and this is suppose to be linked to girl! . 
       Old Wives Tale #29:  Bread - Who the heck eats the end of the breads over the middle?! If you do you are supposedly having a boy. I definitely eat the middle which means girl!.
       Old Wives Tale #32:  Dream of Sex of Baby - I haven't had a dream that specifically pointed to the sex of the baby but my boyfriend has and it was a girl!.
      Old Wives Tale #33:  Clumsy vs. Graceful - I would say my clumsiness has increased which is dumb because I don't want to be clumsy while pregnant!!! But this means boy!
      Old Wives Tale #35:  Side You Most Rest On - I pretty much sleep on my right side until I get baby worried then I switch to my left so right = girl!
     Old Wives Tale #38:  Breast Test - Which one is bigger? Left means girl and right means boy. I think mine are pretty much the same but I guess left is a little bigger...? girl!
     Old Wives Tale #39:  Necklace Over Hand - This one is so silly to me... how the heck does a necklace know what gender I have growing inside me...? It was back and forth though over circle so boy!
      Old Wives Tale #42:  Areolae - Apparently my boobs really know what gender it is... This one I really have no idea, I didn't pay attention to color before but I think they've stayed the same color which means girl!.
     Old Wives Tale #43:  Protein - Craving meat and cheese means boy. I definitely have been craving meat and cheese but I don't believe this wives' tale at all because with my boy I didn't crave them at all. boy!
     Old Wives Tale #48:  Nose - This one is so weird! If your nose is growing you are having a boy. Does this actually happen because I would cry! Now I'm gonna have to ask my boyfriend and family if my nose grew last time. Ahhh I hope not. 
     Old Wives Tale #51:  Baby Names - If you are stuck on a certain gender name or can only think of that one. If this is true then it was true for my son Jayden.  This time it would mean girl!. I don't know if we'll ever be able to come up with another boy name :/

Holy cow this got long! I hope you made it to the end (: I would say overall it didn't help me clearly think one is more predicted over the other. Even more it made me think that old wives' tales are pretty wacko and make no sense. It was pretty fun though seeing all the ways people predict though! 11 days and we'll see if my gut was correct! 

<3